My three-year old babysitting munchkin (mentioned in previous updates) is growing up.
I am visiting her and her siblings tonight, and she looks so much older. Since November, her eyes have grown larger (if that's possible) and she's starting 4 year old kinder tomorrow...

Strange to realise how time passes. New friends of a month ago I feel close to, and yet some friends of 8 years are rather more distant... That central circle I mentioned in my last update is changing, I think. Or maybe it already changed, and I am only now realising it.

Swimming was great - so good to see my friends again!...the usual reactions to my living space, only to be expected yet still rather daunting. I should really get used to it...then again, 6 years in the house still haven't prepared me, I don't know if it'll ever feel normal. And I'm leaving soon!

I gave my formal acceptance to the guy from Trinity when he rang this morning. SO excited! Here's a link: www.trinity.unimelb.edu.au if you're interested. I can't wait to get all the info...ahhh life changes!

I feel compelled to note, the downside to babysitting three year olds is the tantrums. Three year olds don't understand logic, only crying to get attention. Sample conversation:

G: Read me another story.
E: I've already read you three stories, that's more than the two I was going to read you, it's sleep time.
G: Read me another story!
E: Georgia, it's bed time.
G READ ME ANOTHER STORY!
E: How about one more *small* story, and then it's definitely sleep time.
G: This one.
**Story is read. About a wild and woolly girl who terrorises hair-dressers. Who makes these things up!?**
E: Right. Sleep time.

.....five minutes later.....

G: ELIZA!
E: Yes, what?
G: Can you sing me a song? Sing me a school song?
E: I can't remember any school songs.
G: *pouts*.....ok, sing me another song.
E: *sings Joni Mitchell for about a minute*
G: *turns on her singing giraffe. We wait for it to stop*
E: *resumes singing Joni Mitchell...finishes...* Goodnight, Georgia.

.....five minutes later.....

G: Eliza, can you see the bats?
E: Yes Georgia.

.....two minutes later.....

G: ELIZA!
E: *grrr...* What?
G: I MISS MUMMY AND DADDY!
E: ......you know the drill Georgia. The sooner you go to sleep, the sooner you'll see them.
G: I WANT MUMMY! NOW!
********repeat x10**********
E: *gives up*

I love babysitting ;).

For those in the know...
(And even those who just read the site, and can see from the way I apparently go through men like 600ml Diet Coke bottles...)

Am I a man-eater?

What is a man-eater?

How does one qualify?!

Having recently broken up with my boyfriend (ninth in 5 years), I have realised that, despite encountering considerably long periods of singleness in my life, all my friends are of the opinion that I chew up guys who like me and spit them out - albeit nicely - like yesterday's bubble gum.

This is...well....partly true. I do break up with people quickly. But not because I get a thrill out of it!! Mostly because I realise that I made a mistake in the first place. I think that's a good reason to break up with someone. And if you forget all the mistakes that lasted less than a month, that total of nine gets winnowed down to a grand total of two. Ever.

I don't think that's that bad. And considering that only one of those two was a bastard (and that the other one is still my best friend) I think I'm doing better than most people!

So. Why (why why why) do my friends seem to feel the need to groan every time I break up with someone and ask wearily "What happened this time?"? I don't do it on purpose, people!

Sorry to all of you who thought this was a serious post on the pros and cons of cannibalism. (I did read a very interesting book on the ... never mind.) I needed to vent.

One day I will show them that I'm not totally neurotic. I will find a REALLY NICE guy, who doesn't have major gigantic problems, and go out with him for more than three months (my current total). Ha.

Maybe then they won't make bets on how long "this one" will last any more...

(P.S. The other thought that occurs to me is that maybe they're mostly jealous that I get so much jewellery from these infatuated now-ex boyfriends...

Maybe not.)

No Such Thing - John Mayer

"Welcome to the real world" she said to me
condescendingly
take a seat take your life plot it out in black and white
i never lived the dream of the prom kings and the drama queens
i'd like to think the best of me is still hiding up my sleeve
they love to tell you "stay inside the lines"
but something's better on the other side

i wanna run through the halls of my high school
i wanna scream at the top of my lungs
i just found out there's no such thing as the real world
it's just a lie you have to rise above

so the good boys and girls take the so-called right track
faded white hats grabbing credits maybe transfers
they read all the books but they can't find the answers
and all of our parents
they're getting older
i wonder if they've wished for anything better
while in their memories
tired tragedies
they love to tell you "stay inside the lines"
but something's better on the other side

i am invincible
i am invincible
i am invincible
as long as i'm alive

i wanna run through the halls of my high school
i wanna scream at the top of my lungs
i just found out there's no such thing as the real world
just a lie you've got to rise above
i just can't wait til my ten year reunion
i'm gonna bust down the double doors
and when i stand on these tables before you
you're gonna know what all this time was for


my song for the moment...i know it's crazily popular, at least where i am, but i liked it before and separate from that...and it matches my life so accurately. As always, that's why I like it.

My online access isn't too limited @ the moment, so hopefully I'll be updating lots more :). I'll be on MSN more too - see you there!

So.

I didn't get into Arts/Law after all.

Which is, at the end of the day, ok. (Yes, I had my crying time, and now I'm ok with it.) Looking on the bright side, (as always :)) I get to study more Arts subjects! (History, English, Politics, Criminology, Socio-legal Studies, is what I'm thinking.)

It's always hard to feel like a failure...and it's really only by your own standards that you can fail. Maybe I shouldn't have set my own standards so high, or maybe I should just follow what I love and screw success, prestige and the like.

In the really important ways - notably an offer from the college of my choice - I succeeded. Considering that they judge you not only academically, but personally, and in terms of how well rounded you are, that makes up for missing out on Law in lots of important ways. I can't wait...

My best friend leaves for Asia in 2.5 hours...he's been planning the trip for so long, I know it will be wonderful. I'm going to miss him though. His farewell/birthday dinner was last night - the funniest, most acidic, sarcastic affair I've been to in a long time. Largely because his other best friend, he and I made up most of the conversation, but it was just great. It made me think I should go out to dinner with friends more often.

Lately, I've been having a wonderful experience, over and over again. Just in the course of my day to day life, doing whatever I'm doing, whether it's going for coffee, seeing the tennis, making decisions about uni or just wandering the streets where I live, there have come into my mind brief and beautiful moments of clarity.

In these moments, I pause, breathe, look around me, and think with absolute joy: "I love my life!" And in remembering how much I do love it, and how incredibly lucky I am, and how good it is to be so incredibly happy, all of those positive feelings increase somehow, and I feel very grateful for the universe and my place in it.

Final thoughts:

"To laugh often and much, to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children, to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends, to appreciate beauty, to find the best in others, to leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch... to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded!"

~ Emerson


So maybe I am successful after all. :)

I hope so.

lots of ultra-rich sara lee chocolate deluxe icecream this evening
(obviously at a friend's house, where such luxuries are not only permissable but normal)

i have been discovering that I am not alone in my doubleness

to identify with other writers in my doubleness of self is safety and freedom indeed

somehow finally realising that i will never be truly lonely (because i love my own company) as long as I have books (my own company and the company of fictional others, that is) has taken me this long...the realisation is no less sweet for the time spent in experiencing puzzlement, though.

it's 1am and i don't need sleep. possibly the effects of the chocolate icecream, the life i've been living, and the phonecall i await. i like being a night owl. i like the luxury of sleeping in WITHOUT feeling guilty. i like lying in bed in the mornings and imagining the lovely things i can use the day for, without needing to or feeling that i had to, for whatever useless life reason reared its ugly head that morning, or year for that matter.

i broke the deep-fryer at work last night. it was pretty funny. i went to press the 'start' button on the chip timer (which unbeknownst to me was magnetic), it flipped off the edge and into the vat of boiling oil, bouncing and breaking into pieces on the way. not good. we are a chicken and chip shop, and we couldn't serve chips for four hours while the oil cooled and drained...explaining that to people was fun!

also, it's all about margaret atwood...i got her new book for christmas (Negotiating with the Dead - A Writer on Writing) and it's going to be lifechanging - i can tell, despite only being up to the 2nd chapter!

more when i have time. uni offers in two days...

It's been way too long! and much has happened...

Had Christmas. Rather uneventful. Funtimes though.
Went to beach. Improved my pool skills (as in the game, not the large body of water.) a lot. Met lovely new friends. Slept in a big tent (better than I would've thought). It was pretty good, but SO exhausting...

I missed my life. It's so good to be home.

But now that I'm back, I'm looking down the barrel of starting Uni...being 18...doing my own laundry...living by myself.

Suddenly everything's coming up responsibility-coloured.

But I don't mind.

Bring on the world! I can take it!

Once I've got my energy back, at least... :)